The Six Curses

The Unspoken Patterns That Undermine Connection

Every family wants to build healthy, trusting relationships among all members. But sometimes, we fall into negative patterns without even realizing it. These patterns are learned from our own upbringing or born from stress and distraction.

These "Curses" are not labels for bad people; they are descriptions of common behaviors that can inadvertently harm family connection. They can occur between any family members: parent to child, sibling to sibling, adult to adult, or child to parent. Learning to recognize them is the first step toward consciously choosing a more positive, nurturing path.

#1

Apathy

What your loved one hears:

"I'm not concerned with you or what matters to you."

The Impact:

Creates emotional distance and prevents meaningful connection between family members.

The Antidotes:

  • • Show active interest in their world
  • • Create regular shared activities
  • • Put away distractions and give full attention
#2

Hypocrisy

What your loved one hears:

"The rules don't apply to me. My actions don't have to match my words."

The Impact:

Undermines trust and creates confusion about expectations and values.

The Antidotes:

  • • Consistently model the behavior you expect
  • • Explain the reasoning behind your rules
  • • Admit when you're wrong and apologize
#3

Belittling

What your loved one hears:

"Your concerns are silly and stupid."

The Impact:

Damages self-worth and creates resentment and emotional distance.

The Antidotes:

  • • Take their ideas and feelings seriously
  • • Celebrate their efforts and attempts
  • • Ask for their opinions and listen without criticizing
#4

Shaming

What your loved one hears:

"You, as you are, are not wanted. You are fundamentally flawed."

The Impact:

Creates deep emotional wounds and feelings of unworthiness that can last a lifetime.

The Antidotes:

  • • Separate behavior from identity
  • • Create space for all emotions without judgment
  • • Focus on teaching rather than punishing
#5

Bitterness

What your loved one hears:

"You are defined by your worst mistakes."

The Impact:

Creates ongoing tension and prevents healing and reconciliation.

The Antidotes:

  • • Address issues when they happen, don't let them fester
  • • Practice letting go of resentments
  • • Focus on solutions rather than blame
#6

Demonization

What your loved one hears:

"You are the 'bad one.' You are the problem."

The Impact:

Creates scapegoating and further alienation, preventing healthy relationships.

The Antidotes:

  • • See the whole person, not just their problems
  • • Understand that bad behavior often signals unmet needs
  • • Focus on finding solutions together

⚠️ Important: Healthy Boundaries & Safety

Unconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance of harmful behavior.

These curses apply to normal family conflicts, not abusive or dangerous situations. They can occur between any family members. If someone uses concepts like "unconditional love" to pressure you to tolerate harmful behavior, that itself is manipulation.

If You Are Experiencing:

  • • Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse
  • • Manipulation or gaslighting
  • • Behavior that makes you feel unsafe

Seek professional help immediately.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Build the World You Want to Live In

Recognizing these patterns is the first step. The next is to intentionally build a family culture based on positive, life-affirming values, creating healthy dynamics between all family members.

Explore the 13 Core Values →