Principles
The 16 Rules for Intentional Parenting that guide day-to-day decisions and create the foundation for raising a Renaissance Child.
Discipline, don't punish
#1Provide structure and sensible consequences rather than simply constraining the child through fear of punishment.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Instead of yelling 'Go to your room!' when a child misbehaves, calmly explain the consequence and why it's happening
- • Create a system of natural consequences that help children learn from their actions
Wait on the screens
#2Sensory stimulation should not be delivered if not accompanied by physical interaction until developmentally appropriate.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • No screens for children under 2 years old
- • Screen time only with family interaction for children 2-8 years old
- • Gradual introduction of recreational screen time starting at age 8
Implicit instruction
#3Allow for exploration and participation first, instruction second.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Let children explore a new toy or activity before explaining how it works
- • Encourage hands-on learning and discovery before providing explanations
- • Ask questions to guide discovery rather than immediately providing answers
Gardening, not carpentry
#4Rather than trying to craft your child into a particular kind of success, create a rich, diverse, and safe environment for them to flourish in.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Provide diverse experiences and opportunities rather than forcing specific outcomes
- • Create a nurturing environment that allows natural growth and development
- • Focus on creating conditions for flourishing rather than controlling the end result
Autonomy first
#5Allow them to make their own decisions by default. If you need them to do something else explain why.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Let children choose their own clothes, within reasonable limits
- • Allow them to make decisions about their activities and interests
- • When you need to override their choice, explain your reasoning clearly
Encourage playfulness
#6Allow your child to explore, experiment, and be silly with a focus on learning.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Join in their silly games and imaginative play
- • Encourage experimentation and creative problem-solving
- • Celebrate mistakes as learning opportunities
Effort over aptitude
#7Praise your child's hard work, not their innate abilities.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Say 'I can see how hard you worked on that' instead of 'You're so smart'
- • Focus on the process and effort rather than the outcome
- • Help children understand that abilities can be developed through practice
Separate values from strategies
#8Separate the true values you want them to have from the expectations you have for your child to assimilate into society.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Helping someone who has fallen is a value, but keeping elbows off the table is a social strategy
- • Teach children to distinguish between moral principles and social conventions
- • Help them understand why certain behaviors are expected in different contexts
Create intentional rituals
#9Create family rituals and traditions that affirm the child's place as a core member of the family, strengthen bonds, and create memories.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Daily storytime or bedtime routines
- • Weekly family game nights or movie nights
- • Seasonal traditions and celebrations
- • Special family meals or activities
Create intentional norms
#10Be intentional about the norms you set in place. What your child perceives as normal in childhood will be carried with them in adulthood.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Establish norms around communication, conflict resolution, and family time
- • Be conscious of what behaviors and attitudes you're modeling
- • Create a family culture that reflects your values
Don't tie value to beauty
#11Help your child understand the privilege of being conventionally beautiful in society, but don't attach their sense of value to it.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Teach children that their worth comes from who they are, not how they look
- • Help them understand societal beauty standards without internalizing them
- • Focus on character, kindness, and inner qualities
Warn before transitions
#12Provide warnings before transitions, so the child has a sense of stability and safety in how their day changes from moment to moment.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Give 5-minute warnings before leaving activities
- • Use timers or visual cues to help children prepare for transitions
- • Explain what's coming next and why the change is happening
Balance praise and responsibility
#13Children can receive feedback tailored to their age and development level.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Young children: Praise attempts at independence while redirecting to realistic choices
- • Older children: Praise hard work while addressing harmful actions
- • Teenagers: Praise self-exploration while providing feedback on improvement
Be available
#14Dedicate time to being fully present available to your children emotionally and interactively.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Put away devices and give full attention during conversations
- • Create regular one-on-one time with each child
- • Be emotionally present and responsive to their needs
Model conflict resolution
#15Let your child witness healthy disagreements and conflict resolution.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Show how to disagree respectfully with your partner or other adults
- • Demonstrate how to apologize and make amends
- • Let children see how conflicts can be resolved through communication
Never 'because I said so'
#16Explain the expectations and purpose of any demands you make.
SUPPORTING VALUES
PRACTICAL EXAMPLES
- • Instead of 'Because I said so,' explain 'We need to leave now because the store closes in 30 minutes'
- • Help children understand the reasoning behind rules and expectations
- • Encourage questions and provide thoughtful explanations
How These Principles Work Together
These principles are not isolated rules but an integrated system. Each principle supports and reinforces the others, creating a comprehensive framework for intentional parenting. When applied consistently, they create the optimal environment for a child to develop into a resilient, curious, and compassionate human being.
Wondering how to apply these principles to your two-year-old versus your ten-year-old? Our Development Guide breaks it down by age, showing you how to adapt your approach as your child grows.